


A thousand lives (without you)

by Devian



Series: Pure angst. [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-28 16:44:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6337072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devian/pseuds/Devian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened after we broke each other down.<br/>What we were and who never really hold the heart of the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tsukki's heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just so angsty I needed this

Her and him were never one of those cute couples. They had dates, they cuddled, they loved each other but Tsukki's nature was distant and cold. He really did care for her (maybe even more than what she thought) but he couldn't help but wonder about other things too. (Such as his brother who has started playing again in a volleyball team at university and everytime he mentions it, Tsukki knows he's avoiding his gaze because he knows Kei knows).

It wasn't ( _again_ ) that he didn't love you, but problems appeared okay? You were cute and stuff but family was a priority. (Specially when mom cheated on his father and he disappeared for days.)

He really couldn't tell when or how everything started to break down, but suddenly his precious castle was sand; home wasn't warm anymore. 

She noticed, he knew ( _she_ is _sharp_ ), but still waited for him to open up. Which didn't come until his dad appeared again and it was his mother turn to disappear. They drank.

His father told him things that he was never meant to hear. Things that a sixteenth years old teen should never hear: " And the worst is that I still love her. She was there when I got out of jail, and since then, we've been together for everything. But the other day she was with that fisherman doing it in our car, I know you also saw that ".

And it was true, but he decided to shut up. He thought that if he kept his mouth closed for a time, they would eventually get together again.

They didn't.

And slowly he started to grow quiet, to look at an infinite spot in the blackboard, and to blankly stare at his girlfriend which was the only thing that kept him really alive. She wrote things for him, really special ones in which she praised and depicted him as an ancient roman sculpture, a God-like one.

 " Kei you are so beautiful. I know it's not a common word to describe men in general but if I could I would tell you that every morning, everyday of every week. Because you are; you are kind, you care sometimes too much but it's okay, it makes you human; you are everyday for me even though I don't really deserve it (her own low self-esteem bored him most of the time) and I just love you, Tsukki. So much you would get scare if it could be seen. Please don't look so sad and tell me whenever you feel like talking anything. I will be there for you any time. Any hour. At any beat of your heart. "

One evening he poured her everything on telephone and she cried with him. He actually did for first time in what seemed like years. It felt bad, because he felt he hurt her.

Tsukishima Kei decided to keep quiet next time. He should't fail as a boyfriend, because he failed as a brother and son.

She would ask from time to time how were things going but since he asked for space, things changed.

She changed.

It was a matter of time, he told himself, for her to ask to break up.

Tsukki had it bad himself so he convinced his feelings to quiet down, to get numb and to be stoic with her feelings.

That's why when she told him, he agreed to it - but it didn't stop his throat from becoming a very tight flesh rope.

The damage was done and both of them continued bleeding for months. (Until he heard from Tadashi she got herself a new boyfriend who was none other than Kageyama Tobio.)

Tsukki's feelings got stuck. He got trapped. Was everything okay? He used to ask from time to time.

_[XX/XX 20:03] Her: Hey_

_[XX/XX 20:05] Tsukishima Kei: Hey._

(It wasn't like he spent two minutes staring at the screen seeing who the sender was).

_[XX/XX 20:09] Her: How are you?_

(And he really took a moment to answer, to write some other thing than a stupid 'fine'.)

 _[XX/XX 20:14] Tsukishima Kei:_ Breathing.

_[XX/XX 20:14] Her: You wanna hook up?_

(Another minute contemplating the range of possibilities. )

A nood.

_[XX/XX 20:16] Tsukishima Kei: Place?_

__[XX/XX 20:16]  Her: XXXX._ _

_[XX/XX 20:17] Her: See you in 10 mins._

_[XX/XX 20:17] See ya._


	2. Kag's pride.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should have shut up.  
> You should have love him more.

Kageyama's only love and passion was volleyball, both of them knew that but that didn't change the setter to fall slowly for the other team's vice-captain.

As Karasuno's male team advanced in his career in volleyball, things changed in the female's one. Starting from the positions and it was a thing that catched his attention. 

Normally guys would have the gym everyday but recently Daichi and vice-captain (supposedly the captain) were having more than one argument although it wasn't Sawamura's style to fight a girl but she was... It really annoyed him. And he really had a lot of patience but she was difficult to deal with. They have gone more than one time to Takeda-sensei to make him decide as he was the adult and in charge. Sometimes the guys won, and others the girls; but Kageyama is sure they have something special, because whenever Daichi and her say "fine" in a dry tone, her eyes directly try to catch his looking at her.

* * *

Some months later both of their temperaments clashed. Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention they had been dating for three months now.

Right.

It all starts in the honeymoon phase, but it slowly fades until it gets to the current argument: 

" You are setting the ball too quickly! " She complained for third time. Both teams were training together and at first it had been a great idea. But the two last weeks have been a hell for everyone. Daichi and Sugawara exchange glances as if they were asking whose turn was this time to separate them if things got heat up. " Please, one more time but try to think about your _peasant_ ".

" Cut the shit, drama queen. " Kageyama is more than fed up with her complains. Sometimes he settles it too slow so she complains that it's because he thinks she's weak (which is not the case, of course) and a female. Other times he settles it too powerful and she totally misses it so she complains he's doing it that way because he wants to, saying that she is also a woman and has a different anatomy and power than a man. He buffes. " One more time, then ".

She throws the ball to him, he makes a perfect triangle with his hands, and then he is making a perfect settle when...

She misses it.

" What the fuck, that was perfect " He is irritated. Terribly annoyed and is about to lose all it all.

" Sorry, my fault this time, calm down; if you are so good at settling, I'm sure you can make it happen again. " If only she had said the first part, maybe Kageyama wouldn't feel like killing her in that moment. He buffes and storms out, making a way to the bathroom.

" Yeah, you should just cool down " She sighs scratching her neck. 

This isn't going well. 

* * *

It's the end of club time, and although Kageyama would love to stay more time with Hinata practising, her girlfriend obligues him to walk with her. Little orange sunshise sighs, desperate to have someone toss him; he is occupied.

They go home in silence, just the same as the three previous days. He is waiting to hear an apology which doesn't seem to come. But today may be different, because she asked him to go home. Not too nicely, but just her style.

" I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted you at the end of the practice. I shouldn't have pushed you that far, it wasn't your fault, was mine". She mumbles in a low voice. It's loud enough so Tobio gives it a thought before answering. 

"You know, I fell in love with you because you were strong. You know how the rules in the court are and you are willing to do sacrifices for your team, but what about me?" He is staring at the floor, kicking a stone suddenly with a repressed rage growing inside. "If I asked you to stop playing volleyball for a season would you do it?"

She stares at him in silence, but the answer is obvious. 

"Of course not, but you wouldn't either."

"Exactly. The point is this relationship is not a serious one, it doesn't give you the privilege of provoking me at your own like, you can't mistreat me, (Y/n). I don't like it". _It hurts._

She stays quite for the rest of the walk, thinking. It's something that she developed unconsciously, her acid tongue and the provocative tone.

Tobio's indifference always made you think that he just didn't mind but maybe he was hurting all along. It's a thought that breaks you.

* * *

Karasuno losts and Tobio is emotionally defeated. You can't find the words to comfort him, and when he is bending down and thanking the people for their presence you break into cries.

Your team didn't made it, you lose much earlier because your team still lacked of effort and Tobio was there when you were falling, a hard punch.

But there's nothing that can calm him down or make him react. He's like a doll when you both go home and he's about to continue his walk, leaving you at your door... But you can't let him go like that.

You embrace him and the heartbeats of his heart are perfectly audible. It's relaxing, it's calmed, but at the same time there's apathy in his eyes, and maybe he has gone numb entirely.

"You know, it wasn't your fault." He takes air suddenly and immediately know that he doesn't want to talk about it. "Just... Listen, okay? You tossed your friend, he spiked but the turnip blocked it and no one could reach it, so what? You lost. But it isn't your fault, your settings are amazing Tobio, stop blaming yourself."

There's a big silence and you decide to look up. His eyes are distant.

"So it was just another match to you."

"I'm not saying that, don't change my words Bakageyama". In a try to tease him a bit you try to call him by that name but it doesn't work.

"Then you are implying it was team's fault".

She doubts before answering.

"I mean... Daichi sure is strong and reliable, Asahi is a third year and Tanaka and Noya are great to but..." The phrase hangs in the air and Tobio finishes it.

"You saying that Hinata wasn't enough?"

"Well..."

He deeply sighs and takes a step back, hurting you deeply. The disgust in his face is amazing.

"You know what your problem is? You can't rely on your team, maybe you are structuring it better but are you having fun? Do _they_ have fun? Because I doubt it. "There's rage in his eyes. "No, you know what? I am fed up with you. I have enough. Don't dare to fault my team, we are one, we helped each other, we lost together. It isn't anyones fault so shut the fuck up, (L/n)."

He leaves and doesn't call you for weeks. Then you meet at high school but it's just to confirm your breakup. 

You silently agree.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still light.

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't even angst, I'm just full of rage and frustration.


End file.
